As a woman who did not go to college, had a baby at 17 and lived at a poverty level, I mean it when I say I did not love myself! I think back to the lifestyle I lived and attention seeking tendencies (very unhealthy ones) I had and think, “that poor girl does not know how spectacular she is”. I’m not sharing this so you can see how fabulous I am (wink wink) I am sharing to help you see the amazing women you are! Listen, life can throw some pretty nasty things our way and yes we make mistakes and choices we might not be very proud of, but you my dear are amazing and worth your own love.
So how do we do the work when we find ourselves saying “I am not good enough”? Well the good news is there are many ways to see your worth. It is right there with you after all! The first thing is knowing you want to love yourself. Since you found yourself here I have a feeling you are ready! So let’s discuss some ways to get started.
1. There is no U in them
You have to get comfortable with the fact that your life is your choice and you are not the ones you compare yourself to. In fact, you are not supposed to be! Comparing yourself to the ones around you and social media is a dangerous game. I can promise you no one has the perfect life so let’s throw that fantasy idea right out the window! Now let’s think about comparison for a moment…. So you see someone and think I wish I had that, or I could never do that (Insert me throwing a pillow at you) knock that shit off! Tell me why! Really, why can’t you do that or have that? You might have some hurdles or blocks but you can get there! Now if you are wishing you had someone’s eye color that might be tricky but we are talking about bigger issues here. Comparing ourselves leads to resentment, and resentment is jealousy, and jealousy is not really about the person as much as it is about the thing you feel is missing.
Ok deep breath, could you feel my energy there? It is loud because I want this next part to stick with you!
Replace “I wish I was them” with “I want more of that thing in my life”. BOOM now go out and get more of the thing. Easier said than done, I know, but it is possible. First you have to be uncomfortable in order to have comfort. Ask for help, get support and create doable steps to get yourself what is missing. Did you know I have free templates for habit tracking and action plans? You can find them HERE.
2. Even if your plate is full, it should be with things that are filling your cup.
Ok I am done with the kitchenware analogy now! Let’s face it, life is busy and we have to wear many hats, especially you mamas! What I am trying to say is you can meet more of your needs and have joy in your day while still taking care of all the things. As a mom of 3 kids, a grandchild, pets and two businesses many things fill my plate that are not fun to me, meal prep, grocery shopping, chores, sports you get it….. I still manage to find joy every day. The reason is simple, you deserve to feel happy so make time for more happiness. Here is some examples:
Let it go
Are you filling your schedule with kids activities to the point you do not have any down time or money for a date night? That is all fine if you enjoy it, but if it all feels exhausting and causes you stress drop something. I only let my kids do one activity a season because, no thank you! I do not want to be at back to back events every weekend and multiple practices a week. Plus I want and deserve to go out to dinner with a friend or sleep when possible. They can have joy in other ways. Now I enjoy watching them in the activities and it feels fun and not like a task because of balance. In addition, you are teaching them to learn to create fun for themselves and that mom has needs to.
Do it together
Maybe you do not like cooking every night. Do not forget it’s fine to do a frozen meal, bowl of cereal or order something sometimes. On the nights you do feel the dreaded dinner bell, do it together. Find tasks for your children, turn up the music and have a cooking dance party. Or, maybe you invite a friend over some nights to cook together while the kids play and eat together. The task is still done but now you are enjoying the experience.
Help
I hate the never ending laundry and cleaning the floors so I do them like once a month. Do not worry it all still gets done every week just not by me. I really want to get a housekeeper to come in because I would love that, but not yet in the budget. Instead I told my husband I did not want the laundry task anymore and I was feeling drained keeping up, so he does it on his day off now (even though I find my clothes in kids baskets sometimes) I still appreciate it. But what if you do not have help available? I saved up and bought a robot vacuum and mop so I do not have to do it all the time! Yes it is an investment and it might be something to save up for but I promise you investing in making life feel less full of work is worth every penny! When I was paycheck to paycheck I had a friend that would come over and we would clean together, I would do the same for her. This is a great way to get motivated and spend time with a friend.
3. Be your own best friend
Have you had a friend or loved one need you to remind them of their worth? I am assuming yes, because most humans need a reminder from time to time. I want you to imagine your negative self talk as a separate person. Write down the thoughts you are having then read it back as if it is about a friend. Respond with a letter reminding yourself you have worth.
We are all so hard on ourselves and trust me I deal with this too. As a Life Coach I get hit with imposter syndrome from time to time. I have to remind myself that everything I am doing is genuine and from a place of experience and education. In one way or another we get down on ourselves with work, looks, personality and so on. However, we forget that we are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be authentic. Give yourself some grace my friend. You can make changes in life and grow but that doesn’t mean you can not love who you are today as well.
4. Be an explorer
Take time to get to know yourself. We are ever growing and your desires and passions will change. So get to know you today. Pay attention to what lights your soul on fire and make more time for that. My favorite tool for self discovery is journaling. I published a guided journal all about self love/discovery that you can find HERE. There are always good resources online as well with question prompts.
Listen Self Love is tricky at times but please believe me when I say the person you are meant to be is beautiful and needed. Make one step in the direction of a happier you today.
