So let’s be real, sometimes crappy things happen that we can’t control. That for me is the hardest part of hard situations! I want to fix it but I can not. This is not to say you shouldn’t grieve the situation. Please cry, yell, punch a pillow, vent, whatever you need. That’s part of it, you are not a robot and you are born with emotions for a reason. The key is to have the feelings, then work through it, then let that shit go. At the end of the day you deserve to find your smile even in the hard times. So what do we do to stay grounded in the moment and find some inner peace? I often think about the serenity prayer taught in recovery programs.
This is relevant no matter your spirituality or if you are a person struggling with addition I see it as applicable to life as a whole, and personally for me, to motherhood. There are going to be times when things do not go the way we want them to and we can not fix or change them. So let’s break down the concept of the serenity prayer.
First, we must find peace in what we can not control:
What works for some might not work for others but what you need is tools that help you to stay grounded in the moment. 2 weeks ago I did a blog about reframing our thoughts, I suggest reading that as well. This is not the first or last time you will see me discuss mindfulness tools. Here are a few to get you started:
Breathing: In the moment when you realize the lack of control over a situation and start to feel fear, anxiety or anger focus inward on your breathing. Take slow deep breaths in your nose for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds and exhale through your mouth for 5 seconds repeat this 3 times.
Meditation not just in the moment! This is a proven tool but it won’t help if you only do it in the chaos. You need to practice regularly so in the moment of chaos you will know how to refocus your thoughts. Start with 3 minute guided meditations, if you struggle that’s ok keep at it, you can also try movement meditation.
Affirmations: This is saying out loud a true statement of empowerment in this moment. For example “I am safe in this moment” “I am capable of overcoming all things that come my way” or whatever feels right for you to be comforted.
Next, we need to find strength and courage to make hard changes so we can find balance.
This is where we focus on what aspects we can control. I like to look at this as being a detective. I highly suggest we get out of our head and on to paper here. So grab a scrap piece of paper or better yet your journal. Ask yourself, what is within my control here? What is it I can do in this situation to feel more safe? You have to really break it down. For example, let’s say a loved one is very sick. You can not heal them but what can you do? Send them something to lift their spirits, help them with getting some errands done, calling to make them feel loved? Another example is when a partner has left. We can not control that but you can make a plan for where you will be staying temporarily or permanently. You can control getting support in this transition. You can control finding moments of joy each day as your heart is healing. I think you get the task so I will move on to the last piece.
Lastly, We need to see and respect the difference between what we can and can not control. So this is how we tie it all together with acceptance. We use the first and second piece to divide the two and in doing so we become more comfortable with the situation.
Listen to me when I say I get it, shit happens and sometimes it’s really bad and others are more manageable. This is not always easy to accept but without the acceptance we hold on to the shit until it eats away at us.
I am sending you lots of encouragement, strength and permission to feel as you work through whatever comes your way.
